I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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