Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
