i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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