i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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