I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
