it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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