suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
