and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
