i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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