I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
