Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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