not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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