Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
