Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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