dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
