so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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