You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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