you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
