Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
