You're my little dorito
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
