He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Panties = found
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
