every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
