It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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