My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
