have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I need water and some morals
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
