She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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