i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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