please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
