Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I am naked and annoyed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
