some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
