i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
