I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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