I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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