I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
