In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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