I wish life had little blips of pornography
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
