so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
