Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
