At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
