In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
