she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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