OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
