All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
