she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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