problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My liver just had a heart attack.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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