How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
