I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
