i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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