I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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