Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
