we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
