I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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