watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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