Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
