How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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