If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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