She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
