The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
