I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
