I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My feet surprised me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
