Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize