i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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