your parents love me but you hate me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
