Plan B is the new Plan A
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
