so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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